suck-my-big.org

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5/31/00
Yeah, that took a long time. I'm employed! I'll be starting on June 12th as the Technical Director at Village Ventures, a small investment/vc firm in NY. And I am very excited - I loved the people there, the work will be challenging, and at the same time, a nice break from the agency work I'm used to. Very very happy.

Saw Fully Committed tonight, a very funny one-man show downtown. I was in tears. And I ran by the AP earlier today to say hey to DJ, my former-former-former-former boss, who's still there ("I'm a lifer, I guess"). DJ was probably one of the best people I ever worked for, I learned a lot from him, tho he probably won't admit to it. And he's one of the few people that heard the NPR interview that Jen and I did without my prompting him to listen. Heh.

But anyway, yes, very happy with the job thing - same salary and benefits etc, possibility of lots of travel, and great people. Ben, who'll be my boss, actually went to high school with Matt Syrett from Xceed - and worked with Dan and Jackie at Xceed, I'm sure I said that somewhere down on the page. I'm trying to bring over some of (heck, the rest of) the tech dept from funkytalk - all two of them - and a friend from the m7 days... gathering resumes to build up the staff :-)

Bought more books today... when will I learn... in the middle of three right now.

5/30/00
Picked up my last check today from funkytalk, turned in my keys. Now I'm home, waiting for the super to come fix the living room AC and look at the closet door. But I'm getting annoyed with waiting for him to show up, so perhaps I will go out (because my leaving will of course prompt him to show up immediately).

Jesse took a not-too-bad picture of me this weekend, slurping down soda and looking tired. What else is new? Looks enough like me.

So I have two second-interviews tomorrow, both at companies that I liked, which is good. And I have an interview at the company where my friend David works (I have a lot of friends named David, hrm). And I'm having breakfast with a cousin (?) of a friend of my dad's (whew) tomorrow morning - she wants to hear about breaking into the internet industry. Good timing, I told her, as I'm ready to break out ;-)

Reading Tuva or Bust - a book about Richard Feynman, love him. Very funny book so far. This book isn't by him, but rather by a friend of his, Ralph Leighton, and it's about a journey they planned to Tuva, which is somewhere in the center of Asia/Russia/USSR (I tell you, geography isn't going to be my winning Jeopardy category). I'm about a quarter of the way through it and it's a hoot so far.

And I am generally annoyed at this apartment situation. It needs about two more rooms or one less person. And a super who actually comes and fixes things when he says he's going to (today - no show to fix the AC, and still no answer after 4 notes about screen doors).

5/29/00
Happy Memorial Day.

Rehearsed this morning with David - I cued (is that a word?) the first half of the show while he ran through it with the piano player. Annoyed that we can't refocus or hang any of the instruments, but managed to make do. We're rehearsing Fri and Sat as well, and doing the two perfs on next Wed and Thurs night (7pm, at HERE, I think $12) - David is hilarious, come see it.

Other than that, nothing new. Looked at digital cameras at J&R and didn't see anything I liked. Pointless really for me to get one. Also looked at PC-compatible QuickCams, but they've apparently stopped making the black and white ones, and that's really what I want.

Gotta pick up my last paycheck tomorrow. And my insurance expires Tues at midnight, so I figure I'll get hit by a bus Wednesday morning, or be crippled by the flu or something. Timing, after all, is everything.

5/28/00
I'm tired. I know, I know, I'm always tired, but I wasn't working this weekend and I'm still tired. I'm glad the day is over. I was going to say that I'm also glad it's a three-day weekend, but then I realized that I'm unemployed. Hrm. Jen and Missy get back tomorrow (I guess). It's been nice to have a quiet, empty apartment for once.

Got up to wake up Jesse so he could go have breakfast with a friend, and then went back to bed until 11. We lost Rent lotto, but a friend won and had an extra ticket, so Jesse went to the show and I came back home to sleep for another few hours. Had lunch between shows with Kenny (and I disappointed him by telling him I changed my mind and didn't want to get back together until he was unattached - not in the mood (ever) to sneak around), then came home around 7. Went up to HERE to meet David and look at the space, which is very cool. We're rehearsing for two hours tomorrow and then teching on the 7th. Went up to Show World, got the rest of my stuff and Tom's board, and brought it home. And now I have to sort out my lighting equipment and put it away until the next gig. And shower, because I am grimy.

Speaking of grimy, why is it that people try to hit on me when I'm grimy? Some (normal-seeming) guy on the subway was making eyes at me, and I figure it was because I'm naturally stunning when covered in dirt, or just funny looking. I'll go with the latter. And speaking of weird subway people, some bible-toting guy tried to convince me to join the Church of Christ today. I guess suburbs have Jehovah's Witnesses, we have subway loonies.

I didn't manage to grab any ceiling tiles from Show World, bummer.

Next weekend - Tony's, weekend after, Bway Bares, weekend after that, Chicago. Then my birthday, then London, then 4th of July, and by then the weather had better seem summer-y. It was gray and cloudy all weekend, and all I wanted was some humidity and sunshine. Double bummer.

5/27/00
Mmm, cider.

Took Jesse to JCS tonight, he loved it. Maybe it's just me. Met a very cool guy on the line this morning while waiting for tickets - so a new theatre-going friend is in the works. Ran into not one, not two, but three people I knew at JCS tonight. Two of my Faux Real friends were there seeing it, and another friend of Jen's was there.

And now, I'm very tired. Going to attempt another show tomorrow (Rent lotto vs TKTS), and then go scope out HERE and get my stuff from Show World (and attempt to snag some ceiling tiles while I'm at it). But first... to sleep, perchance to dream.

later on 5/26/00
Now that I have free time, I can catch up on shows - caught Cabaret tonight, it was great. I hadn't seen it since they moved to Studio 54 (a place with as many stories, I'm sure, as Show World). Renewed my hate for cellfone users in theatres. ("I don't care much... ring ring ring...") Went shopping today (my usual stressed-out-day activity) - took advantage of the 30% JCrew discount that my friend Serena snagged - she's working at the online company, and this was friends and family week, so she sent me a discount letter.

I have to share that I hate breaking in sandals. My feet are a blistery mess. There, I shared. I'm taking out stock in Johnson and Johnson, fine makers of bandaids.

Had lunch with a former colleage today, got the latest Xceed gossip (which is more of the same, people leaving left and right, Tom Barton still pain in the ass, stock price still dropping).

I guess today was my last official day in the funkytalk office - cleaned out the rest of my stuff and brought it home. I have to go in on Tuesday to pick up my check and talk to the benefits/HR folk (not that they'll be much help to me, I don't plan to be without benefits for that long. Wonder if we'll be paid for earned vacation time (I think I earned, what, 3 days?).

5/26/00
How much do I love Copenhagen? It's weird - plays don't make me cry, but this one brings me to tears and I don't know why that is. It just chokes me up, and it's very disconcerting to me. But I loved it. Again.

Jesse is coming down for the weekend! That rocks - haven't seen him since we did the Chekhov loadin last summer. We're going to catch a show or two and just chill. Other exciting weekend plans include going over to HERE to finally scope out the space (David and I are doing his show on June 7/8th, it's really funny, come see it), and going to pick up the rest of my stuff from Yana at Show World on Sunday night.

Things are winding to a close at the funkytalk offices. Coworker Len broke his hand on Friday so he's all bandaged up. No one else is really here today - I'm just stopping in to get the rest of my books (which are really really heavy, I realized). Got one tentative job offer and several calls back from interviews. Luckily the tentative offer was from the company that I think would work out the best (see yesterday's note), so I'm going to go back next week to talk more with them. I'm really happy about that.

5/25/00
So in the small world scheme of things... had an interview today (which I loved, went well I think), and the guy I was interviewing with went to high school with Matt Syrett (Xceed)! And worked with Jackie and Dan, two of my closest Xceed friends at their prior company. Small world indeed... Now I'm back at the funkytalk offices, packing up some non-book stuff to take home with me, and maybe I'll bring some of the books, too. All done with interviewing for today, so I can chill for a bit. I have to get together documentation of process flow etc that I had done for two of the interviews that I did the other day - which is going to suck, because I don't actually HAVE any of the specific project documentation that I did at Xceed. What I do have is the samples and templates that we worked on to illustrate our process, which I contributed to, but nothing project-specific. I suppose I have data models of funkytalk.com stuff, but that's proprietary for the time being, so I can't share it. Hrm.

later on 5/24/00
I love unproductive days. Left work to meet David for lunch, came home to do dishes (since the sink was full and who knows when they were going to get done), went to the movies (saw Hamlet for the 2nd time, just as good), went up to TKTS, saw a show. Now, I'm all for getting kids involved in theatre, but we had two prime examples of why that's bad tonight:

Those are annoying children. Leave them home.

Apart from that, I am generally annoyed today, and need space. I'm glad Jen and Missy are both going upstate for the weekend, it'll be nice to have some peace and quiet around here for once. I have two interviews tomorrow, can't wait (I hate interviews). And since ER is now in a rerun stretch for the summer, I'm going to see Copenhagen tomorrow night. Tim and I might catch it in London, too - he wants to see it and I just love it. I booked my hotel so I'm all set to go (can't wait - love London).

It's supposed to be 80 out tomorrow and Friday - about time :-) It's been cold and gray and rainy lately, and I'm digging that. I'm glad I have lots of free time - to spend on the deck with a good book, of course. Recently bought from Amazon:

Whew. Heady. Perfect summer reading, no? Well, for me it is. Of course, I'll be done with them sooner rather than later, so it's really perfect early-summer reading. My problem is that I get on a topic and have to read all about it, or I'll find something that looks interesting and buy it, and then I run out of time to read in because my mind is jumping all over the place. Maybe that isn't a problem - it keeps me well-read and interested in obscure topics. And it's fun.

5/24/00
Right, so after passing out in the middle of Buffy last night, I slept til this morning. Felt great. I was just running around yesterday doing the interview thing (all of them went well, I think). I have a phone interview today, lunch with David Mills (to talk about the show we're doing in June, which he just found out got accepted into the Fringe, I think that's in August), and then nothing for the rest of the day - I may just go home, since there isn't much I can do here at work. I forgot to bring down my suitcase-on-wheels bag to get all of my books home, but I can do that Friday I guess.

My boss is taking off early today to see Jekyll and Hyde. I tried to warn him, but no... he doesn't listen. I may go catch a movie or something. My day at work is completely unproductive today - I'm listening to spinner.com and reading an old Clive Cussler book (Iceberg) to pass the time until lunch. I'm also waiting to hear back from our development shop about getting our code, but that's the only thing I really have to do.

7pm on 5/23/00
Or, then again, I might just come home, exhausted after a long day of selling myself (no Show World pun intended), eat something, and sleep. I hate interviewing - it's just tiring.

5/23/00
So, three interviews today (had to pass on the black straight skirt in favor of the longer, black flowy skirt due to weather - looks like rain). Luckily they're all in the same neighborhood, and leaves me somewhere around TKTS afterwards. And it being Tuesday, everything I want to see should be up on the board.

Called the Tony Awards Committee to volunteer my time as a stagehand, electrician or fluffer for the awards, they're going to call back. That would be cool, nothing like working an awards show to make that weekend even busier - Saturday we have a party at 5, Sunday there's a brunch for folks from RATM, and then (provided I'm not working the show), we're throwing a party that night. And my cousin Michael is bringing his girlfriend to the city that weekend and wanted to get together, but I'm not sure how much free time I'm going to have.

Had our meeting today about winding things down around here - most of it involves getting copies of our source code, migrating the site from our hosting facility to something cheaper, and closing out our vendor relationships, at least those are the tech things to deal with.

My thoughts on job hunting:

StupidH0 (12:25:16 PM): i don't want to interview. i hate interviewing.
ings0c (12:25:35 PM): :(
ings0c (12:25:37 PM): come work for us!
StupidH0 (12:25:42 PM): you hate it there.
ings0c (12:25:50 PM): SHIT!  You're right!

later on 5/22/00
So I'm a little annoyed - went up to Symphony Space after work in preparation to run the board for the dance thing, and met the SM, and he said that since the designer and his asst were running so far behind in cueing the show, they were going to run it themselves, so I didn't need to be there. Well, thanks for calling and letting me know ahead of time. So I met Jen downtown, we enjoyed the spacious new grocery store (deli! cereal aisle!) and vegged out in front of the TV.

Cleaned out the drawer of tapes (audio) tonight and am irked that I'm missing a set. Decided on interview clothes for tomorrow (black straight skirt, gray (grey? I never know) cotton stretch shirt, black sandals). Can't wear stockings because I can't wear snazzy dress shoes yet (and I have the coolest pair from Nine West that I'm just waiting to wear). Figured out how to check work voice mail remotely, which will come in handy with, what, the 9 days that I have left there. Tomorrow we're meeting with Reg (VP Tech) about what we need to do to close up - I hope that meeting is in the morning because I have an interview at 2 (and another at 4, and one at 5).

Might do theatre tomorrow night (want to catch Cabaret again, want to catch JCS again (since the tapes I can't find are the JCS tapes), want to see (ack) Cats before it closes, heck, decisions, decisions). I could never move out of NYC, I'd be bored silly in a week.

Got email asking if I wanted to come down to Atlanta to work for Xceed again as the tech director there. Said no. But that brings the list of places I've been asked to work (in the past week) to LA, SF, Princeton, Boston and Atlanta. Declined all of them. Yeah, it's good to be the king. Did a phone interview with Sapient today - tho they're looking more for project managers and senior architects, and I'm really interested in doing more departmental/people/client management work. They're going to pass my resume on to the guy who handles more management stuff and have him give me a call on Wednesday.

Picked up books on Amazon by the guy who apparently wrote the standard university physics textbook (according to Tom, I wouldn't know, I've never taken a physics class), can't wait to start reading, have to finish the Goldman first, which is an interesting read on the screenwriting biz.

Oh, and finally left a note for the super (for the third time) about getting screen doors. Yes, it is pretty funny that I can remember to write it here, but forget to actually DO it. Speaking of a lack of action, funny New Yorker cartoon this week - people waiting for the subway and a thought bubble with the "if it be now.... the readiness is all" quote from Hamlet. Funny to me, anyway. It's also funny when Jen and I wait for the train - we tend to sing "Downtown Express... answer me yes, are you here - yes or no?" to the tune of "Starlight Express". But that's just us.

5/22/00
So I love NY1 news - they showed footage of this bridge collapse in North Carolina, and talked all about the injuries and what happened and how there was a huge crowd at this car race. And I'm like, wow, what great coverage. And then the very last line was, "The race was the Winston, and was won by Dale Earnhardt Jr." A, that has no relevance to the story, but B, I met Dale Earnhardt Jr in front of the NYSE a few weeks ago! And sent Sherry his picture. I forget who said it, but it's true - NY1 is the only news channel that would interrupt a piece on bombing in Rwanda to tell you about the traffic backups on the Gowanus Parkway.

Dan and Ina May are working on a 2nd CD, which is very cool. Her first CD is amazing stuff.

So yeah, no more Show World. I want to snag some of the ceiling tiles when I go back to pick up my stuff - they're red and gold and sparkly. I don't know what I'd do with them, maybe put them up on the bathroom ceiling (kidding, Jen), but they're just really cool.

Doing a phone interview today, 3 real interviews tomorrow, 2 on Thursday. Must figure out what one wears to interviews (I remember doing this in January, too). I own one suit. Which I wear on interviews. We were talking today at work about working in financial institutions, and I said, "I could never work at Goldman, I only own one suit." And Kim said, "Well, they've gone casual." And I said, "I don't think their idea of casual matches my idea of casual." So once again, I have hopes of finding a company that does work that I believe in, that has people I really get along with, and that doesn't require me to wear anything uncomfortable (except shoes, and those are uncomfortable by choice).

Booked my hotel for London today - I'm staying over by Earl's Court. Jen and I stayed there when we went in November, and it isn't terribly out of the way. It is, however, terribly cheap, and that's all I require. Well, cheap and no shared bath. All I plan to do there is sleep, so it doesn't have to be spectacular.

Today is a blah day, maybe it's the weather:

ings0c (12:43:53 PM): we are not very funny today.
ings0c (12:43:58 PM): losing our touch.
StupidH0 (12:44:02 PM): i don't know what's happening.
StupidH0 (12:44:11 PM): well, i do. i'm job hunting.
ings0c (12:44:15 PM): oh yeah.
ings0c (12:44:31 PM): wanna see my new shoes?
StupidH0 (12:44:39 PM): um.. boston.
ings0c (12:45:43 PM): THE WORLD WIDE INTERNET WEB NETWORK OF COMPUTERS BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER!
ings0c (12:45:48 PM): SO YOU CAN SEE MY SHOES!
StupidH0 (12:46:00 PM): now really, is that really the best use of today's technology?
ings0c (12:46:09 PM): http://pith.org/photo/footcam/
ings0c (12:46:16 PM): yes.
StupidH0 (12:46:25 PM): you're right! this is amazing!
StupidH0 (12:46:36 PM): niiiice shoes
StupidH0 (12:49:36 PM): but food would be nice
ings0c (12:49:57 PM): i am going to attempt to go out to a show again tonight.
StupidH0 (12:50:02 PM): ooh
StupidH0 (12:50:03 PM): a show
StupidH0 (12:50:08 PM): we don't have those here in new york
StupidH0 (12:50:13 PM): i haven't seen a show in so long
ings0c (12:50:32 PM): i will kill you.
ings0c (12:50:34 PM): really.
ings0c (12:50:35 PM): i will.
ings0c (12:50:38 PM): i will kill you dead.
StupidH0 (12:50:40 PM): hee
ings0c (12:51:50 PM): concert-type showl
ings0c (12:51:52 PM): show
StupidH0 (12:52:02 PM): oh, a concert, we don't have those here at all

5/21/00
Right, I wanted to mention that I actually enjoyed shoe shopping yesterday. I usually hate shoe shopping because I am picky. But yesterday, I found 4 pairs of sandals that I liked. And I threw out some of my two year old pairs. About damn time.

Went to see Rent tonight with Jen - hadn't been in a while. Well, not exactly true. We went the night that we were interviewed for that NPR thing on a whim, but before that, it had probably been 7 or 8 months. Went out with Kenny and Dan afterwards to a cast party - it was the last show for one of the leads. Might be getting back together with Kenny (in some form) which will be both good and bad, and certainly interesting (good because we miss being with each other, bad because I don't think it will last long-term and that's what I want, interesting because... well, interesting).

Tomorrow is back to work, for what it's worth. We need to figure out what needs to happen engineering and operations-wise for us to shut down in two weeks. So I don't know what my work-schedule is going to be like for the next 2 weeks just yet. I have two interviews on Tuesday and two on Thursday, and a handful more that I plan to get set up tomorrow if possible. And tomorrow night I'm supposed to run the board at this dance benefit, but I haven't heard back from the SM, so I'm just going up there at 5 to make sure they still need me!

Minor annoyance of the day - bought witch hazel yesterday, to be used as makeup remover (since I have this fear of sticking my face into water, and wash my makeup off with a washrag rather than stick my face in the sink). And I, of course, didn't read the label that says "keep away from eyes, dumbass," and wiped off my eyeshadow with it. OW. That HURT. OW OW OW. OK, rant over.

2am on 5/20/00
At least I hope it's 5/20/00 - whatever Saturday night is. No more Satan - we ended today on a great note, with a sold out house, and the show rocked. I'm going to miss working there, really. I have to call Yanna (the other dir in the space), as I'm leaving some equipment in the air for her to use - her show is running another week. Have to find out when she closes so I can go in and get my stuff down. Fun fun fun.

Slept all day - well, til past noon, and then spent some quality time with the DVD player and the couch, watching the Great Escape. Yum.

And that's about it - eating a turkey sandwich now (turkey has those things in it that make you sleepy, as if I needed that), and going to read a bit before hitting the sack.

2am on 5/19/00
Show World story of the night... Marianne and I are outside, smoking. Homeless guy comes over, asks for money, Marianne gives him a dollar. He then tells us that we're beautiful (duh) and we shouldn't stand right in front of Show World, because it's under surveillance and the cops might pick us up.

One more performance of the cabaret to go - tomorrow night. I'm a little annoyed at the imminent-lack-of-job thing for a totally unrelated reason. On Wednesday, I talked to the stage manager for this benefit dance thing that I'm supposed to run the board for on Monday night, and told him I couldn't be there during the day for the rehearsal. But now, I could do it, but I don't have his number. So I'm hoping he calls to confirm things before then, so I can make it.

I think there are bedbugs in my bed. I have to stop leaving the window open at night. I sprayed the entire place with Raid, but I'm itchy, and it's only at night, and only in my bed. Jen says there are bedbugs in the couch, too, because she's allergic to some sort of bug and is getting big red bites from them. I can't see anything, tho, and I'm scratching at nothing, so I have no idea what's causing the itchiness. Must leave note for super to remind him to fix AC, exterminate apt, and put in screen doors. I keep forgetting to do that.

5/19/00
Well... just realized how short a time we've been here - I still have Xceed business cards in my wallet. And I asked one of my recruiters to send me my resume so I can update it and get out there. I figure if I can find something for starting in July, that'd be perfect (since I'm planning vacation stuff in June and could use a bit of time off).

Or, as an alternative, I can start my plans to marry into money rolling. But I'd be bored, I'm sure.

But in good news, Anil did some great touch up work on my right arm last night, and it looks great (tho I'm a bit stiff today). He wants to contact the Guinness Book of World Records about doing the world's smallest tattoo (planning a miniature Da Vinci, smaller than a quarter) - and he asked if I'd be interested in donating an inch of my "perfect skin" to the cause. I think that would rock. We have to find out if Guinness would accept it, and then pick a painting. I'm trying to find an image of the human body (the one with the man stretched out like a wheel, you know that one?) but I think Anil is thinking more along the lines of the Renaissance paintings.

And in other good news, it's only 3.30pm and I have 6 interviews set up for next week already. It's good to be the king.

later on 5/18/00
Well.

So at 5pm, we had our weekly company meeting. And heard the out-of-left-field news that the financing we had hoped to close by now wasn't happening, and as of May 31, funkytalk is essentially closing shop.

So in two weeks, I am out of a job. And it hasn't really sunk in yet. But I know that I will not be happy about this. I don't know whether to look for a new job, stay around unpaid at funkytalk in the hopes that financing will come through, or take some time off. I can afford to do any of the above, but I hadn't planned on having to make that decision. I think the best option is to start looking for other opportunities, but I really hate that process. I'm still not really over the fact that I left Xceed 2 months ago, and now I have to do it all over again. I hate the starting over, finding the perfect place to fit in, starting the work from scratch etc. I'm just starting to feel settled at funkytalk, and now it isn't going to exist. There's so much work we have to do in the next two weeks to wind things down, too, just to close things out.

5/18/00
So, Victoria's Secret is out in front of the NYSE, and they're giving out something in gift bags. There was this huge line of women waiting, and I thought about waiting, but it had started to rain on my walk to work and I, of course, do not carry an umbrella with me. Perhaps after I wring the water out of my hair, I'll go check it out.

Going to see Anil tonight so he can touch up the coloring on my vine tattoo. Can't wait. I stopped by to see him last week when I was in the area, and we talked about computers and switching domain registrations. I love going to Anil's. Today is disproving the thought that wearing real sneakers was good for me, as my ankles and heels are aching today. All I want is to be able to walk normally again, and it's just not happening. So I'm wearing sandals, in the rain, again.

I was going to write something really funny, but somehow, I got sidetracked and can't remember what I wanted to write about. Hrm. I am also in the middle of hunting down bugs in the latest code drop at work. We're expecting a final drop of what we're supposed to be testing in about an hour, so I have a little time to kill. Perhaps I will eat something.

Must remember to eat dinner tonight before heading to Anil's - going on an empty stomach would be bad (and painful - we're working across my ribcage on my back tonight). Had a chat yesterday with someone about why you shouldn't drink (or take aspirin) before getting tattooed, because alcohol and aspirin thin the blood. That doesn't explain drunken fratboys getting ink tho. Well, nothing explains drunken fratboys, really.

Former coworker Dan (whose birthday I went out to celebrate after work yesterday) is going to introduce me formally to a friend of his. And his friend (who thinks I rock which is fine with me) is someone I met before because I had interviewed him at Xceed and made him an offer - how fun. Love programmers. Love programmers who think I rock :-) Speaking of yesterday, 3 of my coworkers came to the show. And I was talking with Ian, who works at NADA, and he says, "Do you know those guys?" So I say, "Yes." And Ian says, "Oh, because they look like the kind of guys who would come here looking for the other kind of show." I thought that was really funny - I do work with some clean-cut guys, I guess. Other funny Show World moment (I love these): I'm standing inside, on the 2nd level, which overlooks the lobby, and some guy comes over with his wife in tow, and says to me, "My wife, she has the fantasy to see the men dance." And I had to inform him that there were no live shows. He asked if I knew where they could find "the men dance," and I pointed him to the guard downstairs. I guess I'm just approachable, which in some situations isn't bad, but at Show World... huh.

5/17/00
Wow, continually small world. Got email from a theatre friend from high school - Rusty Schweidel, tho he isn't using that name anymore and will probably be embarrassed that I wrote it here. Anyway, he's working as a musician with a band now, which is very cool as he was one of the best singers in our school. We did Annie, 42nd Street and Little Shop together, and I forget what the plays were. Small world indeed.

So we were in a cab in Hoboken yesterday, on the way to Exodus, and it was sunny and green and fresh air and I had a deja vu sense of being in LA. It was really weird. Speaking of weird, I had a dream that I was on some game show with Regis (but it wasn't Millionaire, more like Family Feud or Jeopardy) and it was all trivia, and I was winning. And I had to come back for a second day of filming (taping?) but was scared that I was going to miss it because I was staying with family that refused to take me there or something. It was bizarre yet satisfying, maybe it's a premonition. It's pretty sad that my lifelong dream is to be on Jeopardy, but what can you do.

Countdown - 6 weeks from today is my birthday. I can't think of anything I want, except perhaps to leave the country. Hey, wait, I am.

And not to be all egotistical today or anything, but I really kick ass. I really do. I'm just in a great, ass-kicking mood today, so don't get in my way :-) If you want to see how I'm spending the non-work-related part of the morning, Jesse put up the convo we had earlier today. And this is a proud day - wearing sneakers to work and my heel isn't hurting at all for the first time in 4 months. This makes me happy. I'm also happy about doing the cabaret tonight (we got a review in the NY Press, well, it's sort of a review) because my roommates and about half of funkytalk are coming - should be a lot of fun. Only 3 more perfs to go. I'll miss doing the show, but I won't miss the fact that it's so late at night. I think Missy and Jen are both going away this weekend, so I'll be able to sleep in on Sat in peace.

Whitney will be on Dawson's Creek next Wed (a week from tonight). She took some pictures during the filming and you can see them here.

later on 5/16/00, but not ungodly late
Exodus was amazingly beautiful - everything I could want in a data center! Stunning, I tell you.

What I love about summer is that it's after 9pm and it's still fairly light out. Rec'd my copy of Copenhagen from Amazon today, can't wait to read it. Also picked up tix to see it next Thurs night, from the stage seats again. Got a call from the BC/EFA folks about this show I'm supposed to light next Monday - they want to do the entire hang and focus that day, but I can't make it there before 5 or 6pm because of work, and they're only rehearsing parts of the show on Sat and the entire thing on Sun night, which I can't make because we have tix to see a show on Sunday. So I'm not sure if that's going to work out, tho I have no problem running the show blind, esp if there's a stage manager calling it.

Not much else going on - ordered some books (what else do I do all day?) that Tom recommended on phsyics and immortality, which sound interesting. Yes, seeing Copenhagen kicked off the physics interest again, but I got hooked about 7 or 8 years ago when I was dating someone at MIT who tossed me the Feynman books one day when I needed something to read. The best part about not studying any of this in school is that I didn't get bored with any of it - it's all stuff that I picked up on my own. I kind of feel the same way about computer people - and I learned this from watching my employees at Xceed - that those who studied it in school know one way to do something and apply that method repeatedly. Those who are really good are the ones who picked it up of their own interest and energy - those are the people who really enjoy what they do and really look for creative ways to do something. I love that. I love those people - who are so into what they're doing that they excel at it and are really driven. I guess I'm just drawn to people who are passionate about what they do, no matter what it is.

5/16/00
I'm excited - the funkytalk geek crew (myself included) is headed to Exodus today to scope out the space. They're a hosting company/ISP and we're planning to host our production environment with them. The coolest part so far (in advance of the trip) is that you can get there by ferry. As if it were some Batman-esque fortress in the middle of the ocean. Or the middle of the Hudson River, in this case. Anyway, I think that's cool. I dressed up for the occasion - overalls and my brown sandals. I'm such a geek.

I am still so happy about the new grocery store. I walked past it on my way to work and there were people shopping! At 9am! Amazing... Things I bought yesterday at the store:

How yuppie-fied of us. It's such a swanky store. I highly recommend checking it out if you're in the area. I mean, to get a total shopping experience, we used to have to go up to Union Square, but now - right down the street! They promised an alcohol aisle soon, and I hope they'll sell cider there. I'm all tingly just thinking about it.

Oh man... Jeopardy is doing contestant searches in Boston in June - but they're during the week. I wish they would do one in NYC so Jen and I could go kick ass (but, with our luck, we would get there and have to answer questions about recent russian history, or some other category we would suck at).

Here are Jeopardy categories I would suck at: Ideally, I would get on Jeopardy and see categories like this:
  • Modern Political History
  • Botony
  • Geography
  • Pop Culture
  • Automotive Parts
  • History of the Internet
  • Literary Stuff
  • Bathrooms in Times Square
  • Colors That End In "Urple"
  • Really Long Books

That would make me happy. (And oh, a friend just messaged me that I should learn to scroll down, because they're going to do a contestant search in Philly on a weekend in July. Online registration isn't up for those dates yet, but as soon as it is, I'm so there)

later on 5/15/00
Oh my God. Remember the scene in Clerks where Randall walks into the competing video store and falls to his knees in praise? That's how I felt walking into the new grocery store on the corner. It's stunning! It's clean! It's well-lit! It has a wide variety of healthy fruits and vegetables! It's open 24/7! I had to call Jen from the ice cream aisle (aisle! buying Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch!) on the cellfone to tell her to come right down. My dad called while I was at the deli (deli! getting fresh turkey!) to tell me he had just been there and was overwhelmed. I swear, I spent a half hour walking around the place before making my selections. It's so beautiful. Our apartment is now stocked with food. I am so happy. Perhaps staying in the neighborhood won't be so horrendous after all.

But how sad is it that the highlight of our evening was a trip to the grocery store? Well, Mondays are notoriously slow around our apartment.

5/15/00
I had something all witty on the tip of my tongue to say, and I forgot it. I hate when that happens.

Spent the morning at our agency company futzing about with Oracle. Got the lease renewal for our apartment in the mail - must make copies and sign and return etc. And they (finally!) opened the new grocery store on John Street, so we're going to check that out after work, looks swanky from what I could see peering through the windows. It's chilly out today, and windy, and of course I'm wearing one of my favorite summer skirts, which is almost a wrap-around - just enough so that when it gets caught by a gust of wind it goes flying up and I nearly flash people. Whoops. Let's not wear it again when it's windy, shall we.

More upcoming travel plans - Jen had her review and raise at work, so our plans for Ireland in September will most likely happen after all. Very cool. We will once again be in the land of (natural) redheads with sexy accents, and pubs that have cider by default. So June is Chicago and London, and Sept will be Ireland.

The cows are coming. Sue had told us what a hoot it was when they did the cow thing in Chicago - can't wait to see what happens here.

Things that make me happy today:

Oh, right, I wanted to mention my irrational fear of using the bathrooms at Show World. a) there are no latches on the stall doors and b) I'm *sure* there are cameras watching somewhere. My favorite Show World moment this weekend was the old german (swiss?) tourist guy who walked upstairs to the theatre space, saw Marianne and I selling tickets, and said "live show?" We said "no, there are no live shows," and he replied with "oh... never, or just at this hour?" For some reason it made me laugh. I also love that I have a locker at Show World for storing my dimmers and the board in. That also makes me laugh. Never thought I'd have a locker at Show World. Gotta rewire the dimmer hookup on Wednesday - Tom managed to drop the board on the floor on Sat (whoops, but that board has been through hell) and knocked the cable input out of place, so I have to reverse the way we're hooking it together.

My site had 1500 hits last week, and 750 for the Parker pages. That's about 50% more than usual, what's up with that? I love reading the stats from the logfiles. It amuses me. Found the Parker poem that sums up the last 6 months:

I do not like my state of mind;
I'm bitter, querulous, unkind.
I hate my legs, I hate my hands,
I do not yearn for lovelier lands.
I dread the dawn's recurrent light;
I hate to go to bed at night.
I snoot at simple, earnest folk.
I cannot take the gentlest joke.
I find no peace in paint or type.
My world is but a lot of tripe.
I'm disillusioned, empty-breasted.
For what I think, I'd be arrested.
I am not sick, I am not well.
My quondam dreams are shot to hell.
My soul is crushed, my spirit sore;
I do not like me any more.
I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse.
I ponder on the narrow house.
I shudder at the thought of men....
I'm due to fall in love again.

Well, except for the last line, I don't need heart breakage while I'm so happy. But I mean, the woman clearly just rocks. Go read the rest of her poems while you're here.

And now, I'm hungry, which means it's time to go home for the day, scope out the new grocery store, think about tossing my sheets and pillowcases into the laundry, and find something in the fridge that isn't growing fuzz and eat it.

5/14/00
I was going to wait til the Drama Desk Awards were over to comment, but now it's 11.30 and the suckers aren't done yet, so I pulled the laptop out of the bedroom and onto the couch.

First things first, if I didn't know that I was sitting on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry's, I would have sworn I was there - they kept closing up on some chick who looked enough like me, right down to the hair up in a bun. And the NY1 footage is as long and badly shot as the video Jen and I made in Paris, which for those who have not had the fortune to see it, was pretty bad. Anyway. The awards aren't that spectacular this year, but I'm so psyched that Copenhagen won best play and director. Loved it. Now I want to go see it again. Amazon informed me that they shipped my copy of the play, which makes me happy.

And yes, Jennifer Kalman, I taped the awards for you and will mail them to Canuckia tomorrow. I made a running list of the winners as they were announced, but now I'm too tired to type it all out. I should really have done a play by play, because I was getting snippy in my head.

Coworker Lisa and I went to see JCS today and I'm so glad she liked it. I did however lose all fear of Uncle Ray (Ray Walker, my friend Robin's uncle) when I saw him waltzing backstage to "I Don't Know How To Love Him." That just blew it for me :-)

It was such a gorgeous day out. Apart from the getting up early part, I enjoyed it. Spent some time out on the deck with Missy and a friend of hers and the cats, and dozed on the couch between JCS and the drama desks. I need to seriously catch up on my sleep. Luckily this is a slow week ahead - no plans tomorrow, Missy and I are planning to catch the film version of Hamlet on Tuesday, Wed is the cabaret, Thurs is off to Anil's so he can finish my arm, and Fri and Sat are cabaret as well. After that, I have a dance show for BC/EFA on the 22nd, and then nothing until David Mills' show at HERE in early June. It'll be nice to have a break and catch my breath. Speaking of catching my breath, I'm so glad the population of the apartment is back to normal. It's a mess, but back to normal people-wise. I'm glad Jen's back from home, I had too many good stories saved up to tell her that I'm sure I forgot half of them.

And I just have to share that I have a dopey crush. It's midnight, I can use the word "dopey" and get away with it.

OK, so I finished reading God at Ground Zero, and I was not overly thrilled with it. I can completely accept what the author wanted to do - I'm not that closed-minded here - but his attitude towards evolutionists was demeaning and insulting, IMHO. That I could have done without. There's no reason to take that attitude, especially if you want your ideas and thoughts to be addressed. I guess that applies to people as well as to idealogies, but that's another tangent. Anyway, I'm putting this author's attitude on the schiesse list, along with the bway Wild Party and my insomnia. That's my shit list for the day.

James relaunched his site (from being personal and snarky about theatre to being professional and snarky about theatre). There's a nice rant about the duelling Wild Parties there, which I agree with. James just rocks. This is his lovely blurb about me, including the pic of us at the Ragtime opening (note un-expanded tattoo creeping around my arm!).

2.15am on 5/13/00
So I think I'm just going to amputate my left leg above the knee. In addition to my heel giving me problems today (it's stiff), my knee is aching because of the rain and damp, I pulled a calf muscle somehow, and finished it off by bashing the footlights into my toe (lovely shade of purple bruises). Ow.

It was the evening of making plans and then sleeping through them - I napped from 6 til 9.30, then went up to do the show (only 3 more chances to see me make my cameo appearance mid-show!). I finished The Great Escape and moved on to God at Ground Zero, which is interesting so far. It's written by Curt Sewell, who worked at Los Alamos (cool), and turned to Christianity (eh), and it's a book that he claims tries to reconcile some of the differences between creationism and evolution. Interesting concept, I say, so I start to read. Well, for a scientist, he seems to have turned vehemently against evolutionary/materialistic concepts - so far that even though he's claiming to be objective (and that neither theory can be proved or disproved completely etc), he makes statements about the "propagandist" claims of the evolutionists and educational facilities and the like. It's annoying in a funny kind of way. I'm not a believer in the creationist theories at all - too logical for that, but this book should be an interesting read from that point of view.

So remind me, the next time Missy has family over, to just go stay somewhere else. Imagine the neatness and organization of Missy times 3. Times 4, actually, since she had a friend stay over the entire weekend. And there's a sink full of dishes, a trashcan overflowing with, ah, trash, and a general lack of toothpaste in the apartment. And while yes, I could easily rectify all of these, I'm more than a little tired of Missy not pulling her weight. Especially when I'm working my ass off day and night and don't have time to deal with this. It's times like this when I really do not want roommates anymore.

For all this sounds cranky, I'm actually in a pretty good mood. Now I must sleep, since I'm getting up early to get theatre tix for coworker Lisa and I.

5/13/00
Oh, another beautiful day. It's beautiful because I got to sleep til noon, and because the weather is perfect. Spent some time out on the deck reading The Great Escape, which finally came in the mail. Loved the movie, and I'm glad I found the book. Met Matt, our very weird gardening neighbor. Matt and Jan (who is nice, except when she comes over to tell us that the wind chimes are bothering her etc) live next door and we share the deck with them - they've been here about 20 years and have been gardening for most of it. So the deck looks great. Matt is a bit creepy tho, not sure what to make of him. He showed me the new plants and invited me to sit on their part of the deck to chat. I left the door wide open so Pixel and Mimi could wander outside for the first time; I just kept an eye on them. Matt said they didn't mind the cats wandering onto their side of the deck, but I'll still stay outside with them if they go out. Gotta leave a note for the super about the screen door, right.

Anyway, it's 5, gotta do the cabaret tonight at 12, so I have some time to kill. I think I'll try and finish The Great Escape, which is a quick read for me, and maybe spend some quality time with the DVD player.

you know, the 2am deal on 5/12/00
It's actually 2.30am, and that annoys me, because I just got home. There was major construction on the 2/3 lines, so Glenn (the bassist) and I took the 1/9 from 42nd to 14th, changed to a 2/3 that was only running to Chambers, changed to another 2/3 which of course was bypassing Park Place AND Fulton St, so I walked up from Wall. And today I'm wearing the stylin' Doc's, and I really should have changed into sandals or something after work, because I have these major blisters and my feet really hurt. Whine whine whine.

Of course, the fact that I killed time between the movie (more below) and the cabaret by walking from Houston to 42nd Street doesn't help.

So, Hamlet. I loved it. I was really wary of liking it because I love the play, and this is one of those "adaptations" that I tend to run screaming from, but it was really really good. Ethan Hawke - not the horror I thought he'd be. So I definitely want to see it again - my lunch plans with Kenny were cancelled for tomorrow, so maybe I'll see it again. Or Gladiator, which I also want to see. Ran into Laura Kraber, formerly of Xceed, at the movies, and ran into Maureen, who freelanced as an info architect there, on the street while walking uptown. It was a nice night out, and I didn't realize that my feet were hurting until I took my shoes off when I got to Show World. We had a good show tonight, decent audience. Another Satan understudy, since apparently Ron had something happen where his throat swelled up and he can't sing, which just sounds horrible. He's supposed to be back Wednesday, but I just hope he's alright.

And on that note (or lack thereof), sleep calls.

5/12/00
I would say that since it's Friday, I'm in a much better mood, but I'm not really. It's going to be a long day today - work, then I want to catch the new Hamlet tonight, and then the cabaret at midnight. I passed out right after work yesterday, woke up at 8.30 to call dad and ask him to tape ER for me, fell back asleep, woke up at 9.30 in time to actually see ER (made me cry, love that show, having George Clooney back must have been the best-kept secret all season), fell asleep at 11.01 when it was over, and woke up mostly-refreshed today. I kept having odd dreams about kidnapping, playgrounds, and joining the New York Sports Club (which I already belong to, not that I've been in ages), and kept waking up every hour or so. Yet oddly, I feel reasonably awake.

But still not in a great mood - the apartment is going to be over-crowded this weekend, and since my weekend plans involve sleep, and lots of it, I would really like some quiet. If I didn't have the show at midnight tonight and tomorrow, I'd have left town.

So in addition to the joy of getting our next site release developed by June 1, we also have to deal with getting moved to our new hosting provider, dealing with financing, moving to new office space and staffing up. My one hope is that we move to new office space soon, and get furniture that might be considered 'ergonomic' in some way, because my upper back and shoulders are seriously rejecting the chair and desk I'm at now. Ow.

Other things I could complain about today:

I dunno, just in general blah mood today. Trying to do a bit of research on storage/insertion/retrieval of BLOB data chunks in Oracle 8i, and accessing them via ASP/ADO. Anyone with ideas, please let me know. And if anyone's used Oracle's IFS (internet file system) or the Oracle Video Server, I'd love to talk to you.

Funny thing about the shoes I'm wearing (my doc marten mary janes) - these are the shoes that made me have surgery in the winter. I love the shoes, don't get me wrong. And I've known for 10 years that I'd have to have the bone spur removed eventually. But anyway, to the story. Jen and I went to London and Paris for a week in November, and I said, "Hey, I'll just wear my docs the whole time, because they go with everything." I had bought them in August in Santa Monica and had them all broken in and everything, so they were pretty comfy. So we go to London, and on the 3rd day we're there, we're in the tube, and running to catch the train, and the elastic on one of them breaks. Ugh. So we stay on the tube to Covent Garden, and go to the 4-story DM store. I make up story about how I had bought the shoes in that very store the last time I was there, and they broke, and I was only there for a week, and they were the only shoes I had, and could they please replace them even tho I didn't have a receipt etc etc. And they did. So, brand new pair of Docs, and 5 days to go. And they're a pain to break in. So I had to spend the rest of the trip, including walking up and down every stone staircase in Paris, wearing the new shoes. I had to take them off every time we came back to the hotel because my feet were killing me. So when we got back to New York, I went to the podiatrist because I couldn't walk without major pain, and he said "surgery!" and I said "OK." And that was the end of that. I had planned to do the surgery in March, because M4M was supposed to be in February, but that was pushed back, and I went ahead with the operation in January instead.

Things I want to do this weekend:

Oh yeah, so the theatre that we're doing the Chekhov festival this year in will rock so hard. Dan Matz and I went over the other day to check it out. It's in a school, and it's a real live proscenium theatre with their own equipment and a MicroVision FX board. I am so psyched - I wish the festival were earlier than November. Adam (the director) called me to tell me the space might be hard to light and he'd understand if I didn't want to do it. Adam - what kind of crack are you smoking? I love the space. Love. Last year was hard to light because the spaces were odd and the equipment... lacking. This year will kick ass. OK, that makes me happy.

OK, I'm in a better mood now - and it's 5pm. Maybe I just need to get back on my old nights schedule. When I worked at the AP, I was pulling the 6pm-2am shift for a while (and the 4pm-mid shift for the first 2 years). It was great, except after a while I realized I was sleeping all day and getting nothing accomplished. But it was relaxing at night when it was quiet (ie, when there were no crisises or server crashes going on) and I could read and work on web stuff etc. I was just talking the other night about the day when we had that big blizzard in 1996, and I was working at AP (on the 6-2 shift) and ended up going in that day at 9am to open the market feeds because no one else could get to the office because of all the snow. That was a long day.

5/11/00
Let me tell you how much goth kids annoy me. Especially when they're sitting in my audience. Grow the fuck up.

Other than that, and a mid-show power failure, and a Satan understudy, the show was quite good. Got home by 12.30 and popped a sleeping pill. Woke up at 5am, and then again at 8.30. Still a little groggy (it's 10am now). I found my walkman at home, but only brought one set of tapes with me to work, so I'm passing the morning with spinner.com, which is currently annoying me by playing what seems like a never ending stream of Wildhorn songs, and most of Whistle Down the Wind, which Dona, Jen and I decided was the worst show we'd ever seen (after catching it in London in 1998). Maybe it'll get better.

Or maybe it's a sign of impending doom. Our ISP's mail server is choking on something, so I can't get my email, my knee hurts so I know it's going to rain again (great thunderstorm last night!), and Missy has her brother and his girlfriend (ex? whatever) coming in today and staying til Sunday, which means crowded apartment, and all I want to do this weekend is sleep.

But the day isn't all that bad. The deli had raspberry-peach snapple, spinner.com seems to have switched to Sondheim (Into the Woods - love), and I found a book of matches, so I can go have a cigarette. The little things make me happy.

So I think it's just that I need more sleep - since the amount of caffeine I'm inhaling isn't doing much to wake me up. For breakfast today, I had a bacon-and-egg sandwich, OJ, a snapple, a handful of Whoppers (yum), and a Parliament Light (I alternate between Parliaments and Marlboro Ultra Lights, depends on my mood). You would think, with that combination of caffeine, nicotine and cholesterol racing through my veins, that I would be bouncing off the walls. And you would be wrong. Perhaps if I throw some Advil into the mix, it'll be better.

OK, the lack of mail server is really bothering me. And the reps from our ISP are in our office today, and they seemed unconcerned about their inability to actually provide any service. Their net connection is also crawling along today. I just hope they get these problems fixed, because I would really like to read my email sometime today. You know, it would be nice to be able to do my job. (Can you tell I'm getting ticked off?)

I am not in a good mood today.

5/10/00
Surprisingly, we did not win the Powerball. No slurpees, sorry.

It cooled off a lot overnight - not so humid today. Which is alright, but I really really do love summer in the city. I like walking outside and becoming a puddle of mush in 2 seconds. I love sweat dripping off my face. I love wearing skimpy sundresses and sandals. I love smelling like sunscreen. I love rollerblading 5 blocks and being too tired to go any further. I love going up to Jen's summer home and baking by the lake. Yeah, baby. Bring back my humidity.

But this weather thing is throwing me off - a month ago it snowed, and yesterday it was 90. Today it feels about 60. Last night I was standing outside at 11pm in a sundress, today I'm wearing my leather jacket indoors because I'm cold. Of course, I'm always cold, which is probably why I deal with the heat so well. Guess I just need to eat more twinkies or something and bulk up ;-)

Oh and in the small world that I live in, the person I went out with last night went to college with my friend Eddie from Xceed. Eddie who I am still irked at because I haven't heard from him since I left Xceed. Matt and I are wondering what the boy is up to. I should hook up my scanner again - I have some great shots from Matt's and my last-week-at-Xceed drinkfest, and from the JCS opening and from Sweeney that I'd like to put up one of these days. I also took some pictures at Show World, including my favorite: the sign in the dressing room that has the fines and regulations for dancers and waitresses ("waitresses must tip bartender 10% of earnings per shift" and the like), which I really want to have cropped and blown up so I can hang it in my room. Maybe I'll bring the camera back to Show World and try to get a better shot of that sign.

Killer headache this morning. Ow. Let me take this moment to remind the world at large that I am not a morning person. I have no idea how I've been managing to get up so early for work (if 8.21 plus the snooze a few times constitutes early, which, to me, it does) after staying up so late. Maybe it's all going to come crashing down soon. At least I sense a three-day weekend in my future (Memorial Day, which will be spent either at Jen's summer home or passed out sleeping in my bed). So right, tired but happy. Those are today's moods. I'm trying to chug as much Snapple as I can to wake up, but it isn't working.

Network Solutions finally heeded my emails and changed my contact info back to what it should be. It only took 6 harrassing email exchanges before they did it - what a pain.

And you know what, I think I figured out part of why I'm feeling so happy lately. I've spent the past 6 months really figuring out who I am and what I want, and that feels great. I took the site down last fall when I started getting generally depressed about how things were going (job, love life etc), and just took some time to think about what I really wanted. Quit the job - I was ambivalent about that, because I loved the people that I worked with, and I was really happy with the work I had done there, but it spiralled downwards with the acquisition of a new VP Technology and the growth of the company. Stopped dating - after seeing someone at work for a while (which didn't work out, but not for the obvious shit-where-you-eat logic), I just stopped. I wasn't getting anything out of it, and I wasn't dating people that were good for me. So I took a break, looked at what I was doing, and pulled back from the world for a few months to figure it out.

And over the past week or two, I can feel myself coming out of that haze, and it's great. I'm all-around happier, feeling settled in the new job, ready to date, just generally a lot calmer and happier.

But still tired.

And I just have to say, Jen and I are the two funniest people in the world. I can't even repeat the things we're saying here, because a) they are too funny for you, and b) no one understands but us. Well, OK - this is one of our many exchanges that had me in tears but no one else will get (it's in reference to the fact that JCS is a directorial mess):

StupidH0 (10:43:02 AM): "i'm running! there's a priest! i'll run over here! oh, another priest! 
I bet there's a priest here too!"
Jenben415 (10:43:08 AM): lol
StupidH0 (10:43:12 AM): :-D
Jenben415 (10:43:34 AM): crawling, looking, no ones chasing, crawling some more

See? We're funny.

Other things making me happy:

Things I am not happy with today:

I got over my laziness (almost) and went to Duane Reade. Bought cheap-o headphones there, which were all I needed for work. Now I can play the Parade cast recording repeatedly without annoying coworkers. I was utterly underwhelmed by Parade when we saw it on Bway, but the recording is amazing. I'll have to dig up my walkman at home (which is missing its headphones) and bring it in so I can play tapes, too.

Jen and I are thinking about throwing a barbeque on the deck one of these days - we didn't get a chance to do it last year, and we have a small charcoal grill sitting under the kitchen sink, just waiting for a nice day. When we lived uptown, we had roof access (and were on the top floor), and since the apartment was so small, we used to hang out on the roof in the spring/summer, and cooked out a few times there. So we want to christen the deck with a cookout, sounds like fun. We may do it for the Tony's party, or we might just do ziti/potato salad etc - depends how much work we want to put into it and how many people RSVP or just show up that night. I nicknamed the Tony's party T2K:WTF?!

later on 5/9/00
Damn, what is it with me and updating this thing at 2am? Had a great night - went to a show, went out with a new friend ("We have zero degrees of separation, that's pretty cool"), then met up with Jen and Missy at O'Lunney's for minor drama, which I have no real interest in, and several pints of cider, which I have major interest in.

Learned how to use Jen's new minidisc recorder tonight (tho it only worked for the 2nd act of the show, because I am a twit), so I'm glad I had a backup recorder. I am an engineer, I do things like that. Anyway. Tomorrow is scoping out the theatre for Chekhov Now and doing the cabaret at 10.30, thurs is blissfully nothing, then it's back to another weekend of no sleep. Next wed, Jen and Missy and some of my coworkers are coming to the cabaret ("life is a cabaret, old chum, come to the cabaret"), so that'll be interesting. I keep telling people that the fact that we're at Show World is much more interesting than the show itself.

I wasn't tired when we were out (in fact, just the opposite, I'm in such a great mood this week), but now that I'm home and the AC hasn't cooled the room off yet, I'm beat. Time to sleep.

5/9/00
Anyway.

Decided to re-read What Happens in Hamlet which is one of the best analysis books I read. Jesse and I are virtually commenting on everything spinner.com throws our way on the showtunes channel today.

ings0c (9:49:00 AM): ok, fiddler has to go away now.
StupidH0 (9:49:05 AM): lol 
StupidH0 (9:50:15 AM): i actually like fiddler
ings0c (9:57:36 AM): woah.
StupidH0 (9:57:42 AM): i do
ings0c (9:57:46 AM): nono
StupidH0 (9:57:49 AM): oh yes
ings0c (9:57:52 AM): wizofoz
StupidH0 (9:57:55 AM): what?
ings0c (9:58:02 AM): wizard of oz.
StupidH0 (9:58:11 AM): yeah i know what it stands for, it isn't playing here
ings0c (9:58:16 AM): what?
ings0c (9:58:18 AM): really.
ings0c (9:58:19 AM): it is here.
StupidH0 (9:58:20 AM): still playing fiddler
ings0c (9:58:20 AM): woah.
ings0c (9:58:22 AM): it's done.
StupidH0 (9:58:22 AM): hrm
ings0c (9:58:34 AM): oddddd
StupidH0 (9:58:35 AM): oh my god you're in a parallel universe. i knew it!
ings0c (9:58:44 AM): it is boston...
StupidH0 (9:58:47 AM): true
ings0c (9:58:51 AM): true.
ings0c (9:58:53 AM): wassssssup?
ings0c (9:58:55 AM): sorry.
StupidH0 (9:58:59 AM): watching the game, having a bud
ings0c (9:59:04 AM): true.
StupidH0 (10:03:48 AM): i am obviously getting ALL of fiddler on the roof
ings0c (10:03:56 AM): hehe
ings0c (10:08:03 AM): ahahah
ings0c (10:08:04 AM): OLIVER!
StupidH0 (10:08:13 AM): what the fuck are YOU listening to?
StupidH0 (10:08:19 AM): :-) it's all gershwin here
ings0c (10:08:27 AM): you're lagged.
StupidH0 (10:08:33 AM): i am not lagged
ings0c (10:08:41 AM): then i'm super advanced.
StupidH0 (10:08:41 AM): i am in new york, center of the universe and all that
ings0c (10:08:43 AM): dude.
ings0c (10:08:46 AM): i'm in the future!
StupidH0 (10:08:50 AM): !!!
ings0c (10:08:53 AM): LET ME CHECK THE LOTTO NUMBERS!
StupidH0 (10:08:56 AM): LOL
ings0c (10:09:33 AM): shit.
StupidH0 (10:09:37 AM): did i win?
ings0c (10:09:41 AM): the internet is aparently still in new york.
ings0c (10:09:46 AM): spinner is in the future though.
StupidH0 (10:09:46 AM): well, duh
StupidH0 (10:10:09 AM): what should i write about today?
ings0c (10:10:31 AM): about not getting any?
StupidH0 (10:10:35 AM): hey!
StupidH0 (10:10:42 AM): that's mean
ings0c (10:10:47 AM): oh.
ings0c (10:10:48 AM): sorry.
ings0c (10:10:50 AM): i'm mean.
ings0c (10:10:56 AM): you could write about how mean i am.
StupidH0 (10:10:59 AM): i'm not getting any by choice
StupidH0 (10:11:01 AM): you aren't that mean
ings0c (10:11:04 AM): sometimes.
ings0c (10:11:13 AM): i mean you were the one that came up with the "fat or pregnant" game.
ings0c (10:11:17 AM): OH
ings0c (10:11:18 AM): RENT!
StupidH0 (10:11:20 AM): doh, that's true
StupidH0 (10:11:27 AM): crazy for you here
ings0c (10:11:33 AM): heh.
ings0c (10:11:35 AM): how odd.
ings0c (10:11:40 AM): actually
ings0c (10:11:42 AM): seasons of love.
StupidH0 (10:11:46 AM): well.
ings0c (10:11:56 AM): at least it isn't the shitty poppy version.
ings0c (10:11:59 AM): that's at the end of the album
StupidH0 (10:12:09 AM): yeah, the stevie wonder CRAP
ings0c (10:12:26 AM): i always dash over to the cd player and shut it off before it goes on.
StupidH0 (10:12:31 AM): heh

We are bitter, angry people. Or at least opinionated. Well, sometimes. What did I say yesterday that was really funny... oh right, so we're listening to showtunes, and some song I didn't know came on, and I messaged, "Man, this song is too pop-py to be on the showtunes channel," and I looked at the browser, and it was something by Frank Wildhorn. OK, maybe 3 people out there will understand why that's funny, but I was in tears - I crack myself up sometimes. Join the fun, send messages about theatre crap.

I'm still in a good mood so far this week - must be all the sunlight. I've decided that today is a day where I will not smoke during the work day. A test of my willpower (and my desire to breathe clearly in this beautiful weather) - we'll see how long that lasts.

Tom snagged fauxreal.org, which is completely empty for now, but hopefully soon will carry pics and info for our theatre group. What this means to me is that I have a new email address: catherine@fauxreal.org, because I collect email addresses like some people collect stamps.

OK, the not-smoking pledge lasted 2 hours. I have no willpower. Today is one of those days that I wish I could bottle up and keep with me. It's sunny, it's 80-something but not humid, and there's a warm breeze in the air. Every day should be like this. Coworker Lisa and I went to Starbucks (I had caramel apple cider, since I don't do coffee), and sat out in the sun for a bit. I may take my lunch break and sit outside to read later on today.

Mmmm, Yip's for lunch - the best $3.20 meal I can never finish. I have eyes-bigger-than-stomach syndrome all over the place, or a small stomach, or something. Guess it goes hand in hand with the fast metabolism thing. But anyway, I'll save the rest of my friend rice/hamster (I mean, chicken) lunch for dinner.

Oh, this is too much. I did a double take:

Manhattan (AP) -- New York City Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani yesterday surprised city planners when he announced that he had given the Walt Disney Co. permission to rebuild the city of New York in the form of a giant amusement park.

Go Jen! She haggled our lease renewal rent increase down to half of what the landlord was asking. That was her quest. My quest is to find the super of the building to ask him in person about getting screen doors for the sliding glass doors in my room and the living room - we can't leave the doors open now because of the cats, but we'd like to, so we don't run up the AC bills, and so we get some fresh air in the apartment. We left him two notes about the doors, but haven't heard back, so I have to track him down soon.

Mom bought Powerball tickets at my urging. If we win the $350million prize, I'll be sure to buy everyone a slurpee or something.

Gonna kick off the Chekhov Now festival tomorrow (or at least my involvement in it) by checking out the space after work. Last year we were at the Access Theater near Canal Street, and this year we're at the Connelly Theatre on e 4th Street. Adam said it's an interesting space to light, but I'll go see for myself. After all, I've lit a porn shop, a cafe, a park, and some other interesting spaces, so how bad can it be? Last year was a lot of fun - there were some great pieces (including Nirvanov and a great interpration of Three Sisters that I loved), and I had fun designing a rep plot for all 21 pieces to use. Since we're doing the festival in November this year (instead of Aug/Sep like last year), hopefully it'll be a little cooler - last summer was a scorcher, and we couldn't run the AC in the theatre because of the power. Speaking of power, the part of last year that I did not love was the power issue. We had to rent everything - dimmers, board etc. So I rented the dimmer packs etc from Big Apple, brought everything to the theatre, and tied it in etc. Then we found out that the power in the theatre was single-phase, not three-phase, so we had the wrong dimmers. So, one Saturday morning in August, I had to go replace it before rehearsals started at 10. And of course, it was the day of the biggest hurricane/storm we had. So 8am, I'm up at the theatre, sick as a dog, in the pouring rain, un-tying the dimmers, bringing the pack baack to Big Apple, getting it fixed, and back to the theatre and re-tied before rehearsals. Those things aren't light, either. So hopefully this year the space will be a little more well-equipped, and I won't have as much hassle.

In other theatre news, I'm going to work on the electrics crew for BC/EFA's Broadway Bares event in June (right after I light David Mill's show at HERE), and also run the board for a dance benefit for them on May 22nd up in my old neighborhood, at Symphony Space. Those should be a lot of fun.

later on 5/8/00
Well, I'm glad I wasn't the only one irked at the Tony nominations - most of RATM is up in arms, too. Missy, Jen and I are going to throw a Tony's party this year - I did it two years ago and we had a blast. Somewhere I have a picture of my attempting to slash my wrists with a butter knife after they announced Lion King winning over Ragtime. In the grand scheme of things, the awards aren't that important, but they make me happy. Usually.

Missy and Jen seem to have temporarily stopped their screaming-ranting-raving feuding, which makes me happy. This entire day has been fairly happy, actually. Spent the evening drinking cider in the living room with my roommates, watching the cats lounging around in the heat. The cats are fascinating to watch, they amuse me so much. I finally finished reading The Diamond Age tonight - the last few chapters were a struggle, and sort of a let down from the rest of the book, but it's still my favorite Stephenson novel. Have to figure out what to read next - I have some William Goldman books on screenwriting (which are a bit too big to carry around with me), and I just re-ordered the 2nd Richard Feynman book and a book about the Manhattan Project and religion, which should be interesting - they should arrive tomorrow or Wednesday. I lent the Feynman book (my original copy) to my friend Tom (who's in the cast of the cabaret) a few years ago, and I kept forgetting to ask for it back (I have some of his books here somewhere, too), so I figured it was easier to just buy a new copy.

I need to smack my cellfone around - it keeps telling me I have new voicemail, but when I check it, there's nothing there. Maybe it's the phantom caller. Who knows.

And I am tired, even tho it's only 10.30, so I think it's time for bed. I'm glad this isn't a taxing week for me. I'm feeling all girly tonight - Missy had brought home a bunch of samples from Kiehl's, so I showered with some cucumber/oatmeal-y smelling stuff, and slathered my knees and elbows with yummy skin cream. I smell great.

5/8/00
Ahh, another beautiful sultry day. Now will someone please explain what the hell happened with the Tony noms? For a year where I saw a lot of good theatre (plays and musicals), I thought I had figured out what the noms would be. But no. At least we aren't going this year - I'm planning to sit on the couch and watch again, maybe invite folks over to watch the carnage.

I really must stop checking the value of my portfolio daily. It's depressing to watch the tech part drop and balance out the gains made by the other funds. But apart from that, I'm having a really good day so far. Of course, it's 9.33am, so I've really only been awake for an hour, but so far, so good. I usually hate Mondays, for the obvious reasons, but for some reason I'm in a good mood today. It sure wasn't the crappy Tony nominations that did it, so who knows. Let's hope it stays that way.

We pushed back the start time of the cabaret to 10.30 on Wednesdays because of the bad scheduling in there. It takes us an hour to set up (well, it takes the band an hour, it takes me about 15 minutes), and the show before us runs until 9.30, so there was no way we were going to make our 10pm start time.

And I love shopping online. Bought a mother's day gift today. For those who don't know what to buy, I highly recommend my friend Ina's CD - how cool is it that you can buy it on Amazon? You can check out her site, too. And yes, I designed the original site layout, so that is a blatant plug. Speaking of Mother's Day, send a free card to your mother, courtesy of Red Envelope. Now.

So the Ethan Hawke Hamlet opens this Friday. I'm going to see it because, well, I love the play and because Liev Schreiber is playing Laertes. Saw him as Hamlet at the Public, and rumor has it he's going to be in Julius Caesar this summer at the NYSF (Missy's boss, Barry, is directing it). So I can't wait to see the movie - I think I'll go Fri night before my show. I want to go see Gladiator, too - I hear it's fantastic. I never get out to movies, but these two I want to catch. Luckily, I have a slow week - just the cabaret on Wed, Fri and Sat. Missy's brother is coming up for the weekend with his girlfriend, and Jen is going home. I have to figure out if I want to stick around the apartment or not - since Missy and her brother will be out doing touristy things (her brother lives in South Carolina), they probably won't be around too often, but I just like having peace and quiet on the weekends.

I don't link to Sherry's site too often, but she wrote a beautiful piece today about her rabbit. Sherry is my evil Canadian twin - we're a week apart in age, look enough alike, have similar tastes and senses of humor, and tend to do things at the same time (have insomnia, buy a DVD player etc). She just rocks. One of these days I'll go to Canada or she'll come to New York and we'll probably hate each other on sight, but virtually, it works. She's also volunteered to take my Nascar pictures off my hands, provided I also mail her some Melotonin, which is illegal in Canada. Never thought I'd be a drug runner (or mistaken for a hooker, either).

Whitney got her job offer, and will be moving up here from NC in June. That totally rocks. Soon I will have all of my friends in the city. Whitney's great because she's a New Yorker trapped in a southerner's body. And she's scared of snow, I know I've said that before. We were going to go down to NC this weekend for her graduation, but after hearing her busy schedule and realizing it was going to be a mob scene, we decided that was a bad move. So I'm really glad she's coming up here to work, we'll get to see a lot more of her.

Mmmm, sushi for lunch. I'm psyched that Spinner.com has a showtunes channel, and more psyched that coworker Len is a showtunes person ("Is that Fiddler on the Roof? Dude, turn that up!"). Who else can I sing The Sound of Music loudly and off-key at work with? We discovered that we both did Little Shop and 42nd Street in school (tho we did Annie and A Chorus Line and he did JCS and Grease in addition).

I have always loved the What Does Your Name Mean? site:

Your name of Catherine makes you easy-going and refined, but detracts from your physical vitality. You desire all the finer things in life--lovely clothes, home, furniture, and environment. However, procrastination is your worst enemy, and you find yourself lacking the ambition to make your dreams a reality. People are inclined to take advantage of your sympathetic, tractable nature. You naturally attract people with problems who seek your understanding and advice. You can give good advice although it is unlikely that you would follow it yourself. You would be most successful in situations where you can use your skills in diplomacy in handling people, but where you are not under pressure or required to carry responsibility and make decisions. It is difficult for you to be individual and make your own decisions, for you lack self-confidence. Your desire for sweet, rich foods could cause overweight, circulatory problems, or weakness in the kidneys.

Mom bought tickets for us to see The Music Man as a birthday present. But since I'll be in London on my actual birthday, we're going in the middle of July. That'll be fun :-) Must be the birthday gift of choice, as Missy got Jen tix for her bday, too.

5/7/00
Happy Birthday, Jen! And Happy Birthday to my grandmother!

OK, what the fuck? It's 9pm and it's 90 degrees out. I love summer. Summer means skimpy dresses, sandals and sunglasses. There's construction going on outside our building, so there's sand. It's great, I get to experience all of the good parts of the beach (the sand, the humidity, the sunscreen, the sunburn) without actually going (I hate the beach, I'm scared of seaweed, salt water up my nose doesn't do it for me). But I love the hot weather, as long as it isn't uber-humid and there's a breeze. And just think, if it's 90 in May, what'll August be like? Jen's family is opening their summer home the weekend before Memorial Day (I think), and hopefully I'll be able to make it up to the lake there this summer. Last year I had FunBox2000 on every weekend between May and November, so I couldn't get away at all :-(

Dad, Ann and I went to NJ today for Nanny's 80th (!) birthday party. The things that I inherited from Nanny include: long life (all of the women on dad's side of the family live long lives), bitter sarcastic sense of humor, optimism, bad knees, and a lead foot on the accelerator. Almost the entire family was there, including cousins I hadn't seen in ten years (and cousin Michael is still a babe, damn it). I neglected to remind cousin Jimmy about the time when I was about 8 and he knocked me into a windowsill during a pillow fight, causing me to get stitches in my forehead. He'd probably disavow all knowledge of it - he's like my brother that way. But yeah, it was good to go bake in the NJ heat today and get out of the city. I exercised my 2nd superpower, the ability to sleep anywhere, by napping on the train seat on the way back into the city.

Caught up on ER tonight (love love love) and now I'm ingoring the X-files as I type. I am now going to go eat about 40 popsicles ($2.50 for a box of 100 at K-Mart) and sit my ass on the couch for a few hours so I can finish the damn book.

somewhere around 2am on 5/6/00
OK, I just want there to be a day when I'm not exhausted. The show tonight was really good, but the audience wasn't that into it. It's hard to work when the crowd isn't with you. The good thing about the shows being at midnight is that I can catch other shows and then go do my own. Jen and I second acted JCS tonight, which gets out right before my 10.30 call time, so it's perfect. But I was so seriously tired that I exercised my secret superpower (the ability to slouch anywhere), and nearly fell asleep during "Gethsemane". Whoops. The best thing about the Ford Center (and there are many good things about it) is that they don't seem to ever sell the two seats on the very sides of the front row. It's good to know that.

I completely didn't do anything I wanted to do earlier. Got home around 6 (duh, see below), and ended up lying down for an hour to rest, and then hanging out on the deck with Jen until we went uptown. Guess I will try and find time tomorrow night or Monday to watch ER. Read more of The Diamond Age while I was waiting for the house to open at Show World, but I was in such a zone that I couldn't concentrate on it at all.

And it totally rocks that the bass player from the cabaret takes the 2/3 train home, too, so I don't have to walk down 42nd Street at 2am alone. I'm still trying to figure out how two utterly normal people like Marianne (Jeremy's wife) and I attract sleazy guys who want to pick up chicks. Do we look like hookers? No. There are chicks around the corner on 43rd who are obviously hookers, go bother them. Bleah.

So I'm supposed to meet Dad at 10.30 tomorrow morning (ugh), and must find time to hop in the shower first, too. I'm covered in a layer of grime that would make my mom proud. And also an odd set of bruises that I'm still trying to figure out where they came from. I tend to bruise easily, and I also tend to walk into things, that probably explains it well enough.

5/6/00
Well, I feel much better after getting 10 hours of sleep last night. But it was un-restful sleep in that I couldn't fall asleep and then I kept waking up in the middle of the night... but I feel a little more alive than I did all week. I'm still really tired tho, I could use a nap but I don't think there's enough time. Went out with Jen and Missy for Jen's bday, and then I ran them by Show World as if to prove its existance.

Back home now (6pm), going to watch ER from Thursday, read for a bit, and then go out to the show again. Tomorrow I'm off to NJ with Dad for my grandmother's birthday, and then back to work...

It looks like we bypassed spring altogether (a not-uncommon occurance in NY) and are headed firmly into summer. It's about 86 and humid today, and have the AC cranking in the apartment. Helloooo, Con Ed.

later on 5/5/00, technically 5/6/00 since it's 2.30am
The first cabaret performance was a blast - a handful of Faux Real folks came, and with the exception of some band feedback mishaps, it went really really well. I'm going to go sleep for a few days now.

5/5/00
Stop reading this. Go outside. It's beautiful out. GO! NOW!

I am all psyched to open the cabaret show tonight. I have a few friends coming to see it, and some folks I met this morning may come, too. And since it is so beautiful out and it is Friday, I'm going to see if I can leave work a bit early and get some sun. I'm about to fall asleep into the keyboard, so maybe a nap would be good. Ate lunch today (first meal in about 2 days unless you count the cholesterol sandwich I snarfed down for breakfast yesterday, which I do not), feeling better. All I can think is that tomorrow I can sleep til noon. Jen and Missy are having a friend over tonight and they're getting up really early tomorrow morning - I will be really annoyed if I'm woken up at 6am tomorrow. Because I am so tired right now and it's only going to get worse.

Sunday, Dad and I are going to NJ for my grandmother's birthday - that'll be good, I haven't seen her since... last year this time? Ack.

I made it home before the run yesterday, and grabbed my camera - took some pics of Show World, and one of me and Mom dressed up for Sweeney - I hope they come out alright. That finished off the roll of film that was in there, so I should drop that off. I should drop off my laundry, too, since it's now threatening to take over my room. Maybe I'll do all of that before I go out tonight. Jen thinks the kitties have fleas, which is weird because I never see them scratching or anything - don't cats do that when they have fleas? But both she and Missy claim miniscule bugbites, which could be fleas or could be something completely different. So if I can find a pet store around here I'll grab them flea collars, which I'm sure they'll just love.

Some random tidbits of what's going on...I rewrote my bio for the cabaret program last night - had to update it since the last show Jeremy and I did together was 2 years ago. I mentioned that it was the pinacle of my career to be finally working at Show World. Still haven't finished reading The Diamond Age - no time at all to do that... maybe tomorrow. We cranked the windows open at work and now it smells like spring in here.... mmm.

D00d, coworker Debbie is also a Cancer, she sent me this:

Cancerians have often been likened to crabs because of the way they are 'soft and vulnerable' on the inside, yet have a very tough shell. It has also been suggested that, just as crabs scuttle sideways, so Cancerians prefer to take a subtle, indirect approach to their goals. The real link, however, is simpler. Crabs lives are governed by the tides which are ruled by the Moon. And you too are ruled by the Moon.

What makes a Cancerian tick?
On the whole, Cancers have an unassuming manner but, underneath, they're as sharp as stainless steel scissors! Their insight is instinctive rather than analytical but (particularly when it comes to people) they rarely miss a trick. This immaculate judgement of character is their greatest asset. Cancers have a powerful desire to nurture, cherish and protect. Naturally this makes them loyal and loving. They operate on heartfelt emotion which is why they are so often on the defensive. Like a crab, retreating into it's shell, Cancereans often protect themselves by shutting out anything that could be potentially hurtful or harmful.

That is so me. With a rising sign of Taurus:

Stubbornness and stability are double-edged swords, since clinging to the familiar cuts both ways. Your devotion to the notion of classic love makes you among the most romantic members of the zodiac. Your tastes run toward meaningful, erotic relationships as opposed to fast, filthy fixes. Your marathon practicality pervades professional and personal realms, as you doggedly nurture goals to their conclusions. Your process is to prepare plans and proceed methodically from start to finish. You're anything but a quitter. The downside is that you're disinclined to cut your losses. Clearly, you'd rather fight than switch. The problems that stem from your need to control your environment, yourself and others are the price you're willing to pay to drive your destiny. You seek comfort with a vengeance in your work ethic, possessions, financial security and efficiency. Sometimes you unduly sacrifice pleasure for business. But your sense of humor, generosity and sincerity can be illuminated by the sunshine of someone who accepts you as you are and is willing to play conformer to your reformer.

That is also so me.

later on 5/4/00
Sad to say, I have no funny Show World story for today. The runthrough went great, we clocked in at an hour and 10 minutes, which was perfect. It was nice to run the show with just a few people in the audience. Dave came to see it, hadn't seen him since we did the Silent Clowns movie thing last month, so that was nice. Finished the run, changed from work-dress into concert-dress, slipped into the sexy red shoes, and I was out the door. OK, I guess it was pretty funny jetting out of Show World in my long red dress, sexy shoes, leather jacket, sunglasses and cigarette in hand. That's a good image.

Made it to Sweeney with plenty of time to spare. Mom and I had great seats (considering what we paid, we damn well better have). Love love love George Hearn. I do not love love love Patti LuPone. Never have - she always sounds like she's going to swallow her words, or go horribly off-key at any moment. Heidi Grant Murphy and John Aler we had seen sing with the Philharmonic before, so that was cool. And yes - George Hearn is perfect. The man is amazing. Doog... i mean, Neil Patrick Harris was really good too. I liked him in Rent, I mean, the boy can sing. And he has the dubious honor of being in a TV show with Tony Shalhoub, who I find oddly attractive (Tony Shalhoub, not Doogie Howser. Saw Tony in Waiting for Godot at Missy's theatre last season).

Anyway, I need to go to sleep like now (it's 11) - will try to find time to watch ER on Saturday I guess, since tomorrow will be get up, go to work, try to catch a show (because I am the only person who could be exhausted, have the chance to sleep for 4 hours, and pass it up to see another show. Thinking about JCS, not sure yet), then go open the cabaret at midnight. I haven't slept more than 4 hours at a stretch this week at all, and haven't eaten anything except breakfast today and a slice of pizza yesterday. I'm living on caffeine and nicotine.

5/4/00
I just think it gets funnier and funnier being at Show World for legit reasons. Jeremy's wife and I went out for a smoke yesterday (OK, it was about 11pm, and we needed air before the runthrough), and were haltingly approached by 2 (german? swiss?) tourists who looked about 18. We laughed at them and told them they were looking in the wrong place. They looked confused and gestured to Show World, and we realized we were standing in front of the "ALL NUDE VIDEO" sign. Since we don't speak german (swiss?), we just walked across the sidewalk and smoked against the "safety" railing. Marianne said, "What, they want to go for the farmer/overalls/dirt look?" since we were not the cleanest things. I think I want to get a shirt made up that says "not a live girl" (to match the "no live girls" signs that are all over). And I forgot to bring my camera with me today - I wanted to take some pics inside the space.

We didn't actually run through the entire show - just some of the trouble spots. I'm concerned in a few numbers about the spot being tight, but it looked better yesterday. We're the first show in there today (press preview at 5), so we didn't have to break down most of our stuff, which was nice. It only took us an hour and 40 minutes to set up yesterday, which will be interesting to compress into the 20 minutes we'll have on Wednesdays to do the setup ;-) But that doesn't really count, since most of what we were doing was checking out gear, re-running extension cords etc, stuff we won't have to do once the run starts.

Tonight'll be fun. Leaving work early, preview at 5, and I told Jeremy we have to start on time, because I have to leave at 6.15 at the latest to meet mom up at Lincoln Center for Sweeney Todd. Sometime between the show ending and me leaving, I have to change into my red concert-going dress and strappy heels (an outfit you might recognize from the JCS opening! But once again, no camera, no pictures) and re-do my makeup, which I'm sure will look stunning by the time the show is done.

I can't wait for Saturday so I can sleep. Luckily tonight won't be too late a night tho. And I just realized that I have to go home and set the VCR for ER before I go uptown. And buy some blank audio tapes for the Sweeney concert. Maybe I'll swing home at lunchtime, or go by on my way up to 42nd.

New Clive Cussler book coming out in August - I love his books. Dirk Pitt will kick James Bond's ass in a heartbeat. I'm not thrilled that Cussler is moving away from writing Dirk Pitt novels and starting up a new line of characters - I'm so attached to Dirk and Al that I'd rather read more about their stories than someone new. I hate when that happens.

Judging from my inbox, more people watch Channel 9 news than I thought - including my grandmother. Dad had to tell her I was NOT a regular at Show World. Tho I admit it's a bit freaky when the doorman-type guy greets me warmly when I come in. Anyway, I've decided that all of my stories from now on have to start with "So I was standing outside Show World..." because they're just funnier that way.

OK, Jen and I are having way too much fun with imbot.com - you can type a message, they convert it to electronic signals, and read it over the phone to someone in a disembodied computer voice, ala Ned on South Park. Imagine the chaos ;-) No, you cannot have my phone number.

So I love working by the NYSE. Today, Budweiser is out there, and since they sponsor Nascar racing (alcohol and cars, whatever), they had two drivers out there (Dale Earnhardt, Jr and Kenny Bernstein) autographing pictures of themselves. I know nothing about car racing (and don't care to), but coworker Jenny says it's a big thing in the south, and her farm's ranch manager loves Dale Earnhardt (senior, not junior, but whatever), so we got in line and picked up some pictures. That Dale Jr is a cutie. They also had the Clydesdale horses from the Bud commercials out there, too - gorgeous animals, but I don't think I'll be trading in the cats for a horse anytime soon. So I'll hang the pictures on my wall at work next to the bunny ears from Energizer and my picture of Brian Boitano (aptly captioned, "What would Brian Boitano do?" by me). Unless of course, someone out there is really into racecar driving and wants them, in that case, email me and they're yours.

5/3/00
Mmmm, Gary Sinise - Sue and I are going to see this production of Cuckoo's Nest in Chicago in June, can't wait.

Ahh, online hypochrondria - the Heather Decker story in a nutshell. I'm glad that's over with - and it's funny, the Heather Decker story was something that ended, and everyone involved said "OK, we're not going to talk about this anymore," but of course, as soon as we get together, we talk about it. We played Whitney the tape of the NPR interview when she was up last weekend. It's just funny to listen to. Funny strange, not funny ha-ha. I feel like the year 2000 has been my media-heavy year so far (between the NPR thing, the MSNBC thing, being on the news last night etc). Must be my 15 minutes catching up with me.

The run-through last night went really well, at least for me. The cue-ing isn't too challenging, more along the lines of creative improvisation as we go. The only kicker is that the spotlight we rented has some emotional issues with panning horizontally, so I'm going to try and dig up some WD-40 or something. And I think Wed nights will be interesting, as we'll have about 20 min of setup time between the piece before us and our piece, and there's a lot of setup that we need to do. On my side, there's hooking the 2 dimmer packs to the board, patching in our extension cable config, running cable for lights for the band, powering up the spot, and setting the footlights in place. Not too bad, but combine that with moving 2 heavy platforms (a task I am backing out of, even if I did come up with the fastest and safest way to move them yesterday, neener), 4 band members and 4 cast members running around, hanging the backdrop and setting up the set pieces, all in 20 min. But we'll do it. We've done worse before - on FunBox2000 there was a show that ended at 9.40, and we were scheduled to start at 10, and that involved me refocussing most of the lights in the space in about 10 minutes. Had that down to a science by the middle of the run. It was even more fun when half of the cast of FunBox2000 (and me) were running the Naked Show down the street at the Pink Pony. Had to wait for the 8pm show at the Piano Store to finish their focus, bring the ladder down to the Pink Pony, hang and focus, hook up the "board," run our show from 8-9.30, un-hang our equipment, bring the ladder back, let the other show strip their set, focus FunBox2000, run FunBox2000. Those were fun nights. So this is not as much of a challenge, and the show's going to be a blast.

So yeah, this skanky guy yesterday at Show World. I'm standing outside around 4.50, having a smoke. This old, fat, balding black guy comes up (we're talking baseball cap, rolls of fat hanging out of his pants, you get the picture) and asks for the time. I say "ten to 5." He asks if I work at Show World, and I say "I'm working in the theatre" - etc. He asks if I'm married, so I outright lie and say "Yes, and my husband is upstairs." He asks if I'm my husband's "main dish" and if I had room for an "appetizer" - it's a good thing I have such a poker face or I would have laughed out loud. I politely declined, and excused myself to go back to the Porn Palace. I don't get it - I don't have a big ass or tits, why me?

Playing the Blink 182 CD now. It's keeping me awake, since I didn't get in til 2am last night and couldn't fall asleep because I was grimy, but I didn't want to take a shower last night for fear of waking roommates, so I got up early this morning to do it. But yeah, anyway, Blink 182. So I was out in LA in March (with crutches, that was great), and I had rented a car. And I had the radio blaring some rock station (I never listen to the radio at home, hence my lack of knowledge about anything music-related). And the station kept playing this song over and over again and I thought it was the greatest. So I came home from LA and said, "Jen! I heard this great song!" but refused to sing it for her because I can't sing. So eventually it came on TV or something and I said, "Hey! That's that song!" and Jen said, "You dumbass, that's Blink, you've been making fun of them for the past 2 months." Whoops. I really do like the CD. (This is slightly related to when we were watching some tv commercial and there was this guy and I said, "Jen, cute guy on tv!" and she said, "Dumbass, that's the guy from Blink." Whoops again.)

OK, this was obviously not the day to say, "Hey, why don't I try to stop drinking so much caffeine in the mornings?" It's only 1pm and I'm ready for a nap. I think I'll take lunch instead and head up to the Seaport and do some errands while I'm out.

post-lunch...
Oh, I feel much better now that I've eaten and had a chance to vent with Jenny. And I have italian ice, because it is beautiful out and it is exactly what I needed, except that it appears to be sugar-free. And I am happy to find that the Onion has revamped its news archive section, because I found the article on quitting smoking.

I'm creating an art exhibit on my wall at FunkyTalk - I call it "Evolution of a Data Schema - a Work in Progress." It's stunning, let me tell you.

Network Solutions is pissing me off. I need to change the registrant info for my domains, because I had changed them to list my xceed.com email address last year. Well, now that I've left Xceed, my email address doesn't exist anymore. And I can't change the NSI info because they use the address as an authentification variable. And no matter how many times I've explained this in email, they are unable to tell me anything other than "fill out this form," and "sorry, we can't help you because the request did not come from cskidmore@xceed.com" - no shit. That's what I've been telling you. So I filed another request to have someone call me or give me a voice number so I can explain that I just need the email address changed back. Damn.

about 2am, later on 5/2/00
Why, yes, that WAS me looking like SHIT on the 10 o'clock news on ch9/UPN. Not that anyone watches channel 9/UPN, but Jeremy Halpern and I were there - they did a piece on how Show World has turned into a somewhat-legit theatre space in accordance with Giuliani's zoning laws. It was spur-of-the-moment and good publicity for us. And good timing, too. They taped us at the afternoon rehearsal, and I was able to record it at Irene's after dinner (she lives a few blocks from the space), and bring it back for the 11pm runthrough, and we watched it on the bigscreen in the theatre.

And some skanky guy seriously tried to pick me up today at Show World. I told him I was happily married and had no interest in straying. Fun. Aaron showed me where I can smoke indoors, so I don't have to worry about that happening again.

And now... sleep.

5/2/00
Ha! Show World in the Times. That's where we're doing the cabaret show. The first picture on the left is the entrance to the space we're working in, and the middle picture is of Mark, my director from Faux Real, rehearsing another piece. The third pic is the marquee in 1982, before I started hanging out in Times Square.

So I had the weirdest set of dreams last night - and it was a series of them, which is weird, because I usually have one that I vividly remember, and last night there were a bunch - all with the same theme and feeling. It threw me off this morning. And the weather (here we go...) is that misty kind of rain that isn't damp enough to warrant the use of an umbrella, but damp enough to be slippery. And I hate walking down New Street to get to work, because it's an obstacle course of delivery trucks, non-delivery trucks, recycling stuff, people and old guys who wolf-whistle and make me feel uncomfortable. But being the time-saving person that I am, the fastest way to work (including a stop for breakfast at the deli) is by walking down New Street, so I do it.

So I was going to go catch a show tonight, but the weather, and the fact that I want to be sitting in Show World with my stuff ready to go at 10pm, means I'll pass and just find some way to while away the time. Like by having dinner with my friend Irene, who I haven't seen in a while. w00.

Playing the soundtrack to The Usual Suspects today. Great soundtrack, and it matches my mood. (I was going to say it matches the weather, but I turned around to look out the window and saw sun, remind me to stop doing that.)

I had to point out to coworker Peter that figure skating is a sport since it takes place on a hockey rink. It would be more of a sport of there were more bloodshed, but whatever.

later on 5/1/00, as if I hadn't written enough today
So I think I figured out what my feelings of foreboding were about - went up to Show World and found out that the manager of the space hadn't allocated us any rehearsal time in the theatre! Luckily, the director of the other piece in there is Yanna, who's also directing M4M, and she's generously splitting her time with us, in exchange for the use of our dimmer packs (our shows run next to each other, time-wise). So our schedule has been whacked to be tomorrow 3-6pm and 10pm-whenever, Wed 3-6 (which I will miss) and 10-whenever, and then we have our press preview on Thurs and open on Friday - it's ridiculous. So tonight was just scoping the space, talking to Yanna, and putting my gear in the lock-room until tomorrow, since she was in there rehearsing tonight. Jeremy and I are both ticked at the manager for not scheduling us in there as promised. But at least I got all of my gear (lights, extension cords, dimmers, gel, tools, zip cord etc) up there in one fell swoop on the subway, which I didn't think could be done. I amaze myself with my superhuman strength sometimes.

And I think I stretched my back in unnatural ways while helping move the World's Heaviest Platform(tm). If anyone can think of ways to kill 4 hours between rehearsal blocks while in Time Square, let me know. And please don't suggest I just hang out at Show World - I feel sleazy enough just standing around that place. I was having a smoke outside today while waiting for Jeremy and I got so many weird looks. But it was fun to scope out the people who were actually going inside to buy porn.

So I hope that's what my foreboding feelings were about - I'd hate to think it's something that will actually affect me in some real manner (tho I can see this affecting me in that I'll be doing a few late nights this week - not much fun).

5/1/00
So remember around Thanksgiving, there were all of these WTO protesters out in Seattle? I remember, because I was out visiting my brother, and we tried to do some Christmas shopping, but the protesters were loud and obnoxious. So today they're in NYC - or supposed to be. The only way this has affected me so far (since I don't plan to be out Christmas shopping in May) is that there are many more cops on the streets this morning, and most of them said hi to me. Maybe I attract cops, what's up with that? And have you ever noticed that cops are the only people who look good in mustaches?

How annoyed am I at this Disney and Time Warner thing? No ABC means no Jeopardy! No Jeopardy means interrupting my nightly ritual of faking higher intelligence!

Tim sent me one of those 'fill in the blank' survey things, I'll take a stab at it here:

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: 1 bedroom apt, 2 roommates, 2 cats
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJA BOARDS: They make great placemats. Did you know that the word 'ouija' comes from the French and German words for 'Yes'? Oui and Ja.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD: the Dell logo and the URL: support.dell.com
FAVORITE BOARD GAME: Trivial Pursuit, all the way.
FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Maxim
FAVORITE SMELLS: Vanilla, unnamed colognes that ex-boyfriends used to wear that I catch whiffs of in elevators etc and go back in time for a few minutes.
THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Getting enough sleep, having butterflies in my stomach.
FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: The Last Temptation of Christ (aka Passion, by Peter Gabriel)
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING: "God damn, I could use another 3 hours of sleep" or "God damn, why don't those kids upstairs shut the fuck up?" or "Hey, where did the sheets and quilt go?" or "I have to pee."
ROLLER COASTER - SCARY OR EXCITING: oooh, exciting, love them.
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Have to find the phone before I can answer it, right?
FUTURE SON'S NAME: - I have no idea.
FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME: Something resembling Magdalen (or Madeleine, I don't know)
FAVORITE FOODS: Sushi! Which reminds me, I haven't been to Nobu in a while.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: Neither - please pass the Ben&Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup or Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE? Yes! I miss having a car. Jen has one, but it isn't the same.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL: Only if the cats count. I do have a bear, Smike, who now lives on top of the air conditioner.
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR: 1988 Ford Escort, totalled it within a month. Then the Tank, a 1972 Dodge Dart, which I miss to this day.
IF YOU COULD MEET ANY PERSON(s) DEAD OR ALIVE: I think I've met all of the people I can handle for now.
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Cider... preferably Hornsby's, but Woodpecker, Cider Jack and Woodchuck all suffice.
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN: Cancer
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI: Yes, it's the leaves that scare me.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Mattress tester.
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? - I've been thinking about a blue streak lately.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? I'm an Engineer - I have a redundant glass nearby as a backup, so it doesn't matter.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE? Peach!
FAVORITE MOVIE(S): The Competition, The Goodbye Girl, Star Wars (the first two)
ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY, OR AMBIDEXTROUS: Righty. I am also aquadextrous, which means I can turn the water taps in the tub on and off with both feet.
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yep, and I am a monstrously fast typer.
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED: Boxes with non-seasonal clothing, suitcase, box of old theatre posters and programs (not to be confused with the 3 crates of Playbills of the past 25 years that are on top of the bookcases), sometimes Pixel is under the bed.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 42
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Figure skating.

I love that when I search AltaVista for instances of my name, the most records returned are for the Dorothy Parker pages - gotta go tune up my meta tags or something. Searching for 'suck-my-big.org' turns up a lot of porn. Go figure. My favorite email rec'd from the site is still the one from the guy who said "Hi, I was searching for 'suck my big one' and I found your site." Um, sure.

Janet Reno and Bill Gates - the true story. Ah, geek love.

Heh - someone sent me the words to my new favorite Molson commercial, which I haven't actually seen on tv, but caught it online. It's only really funny because Missy, Jen and I have bad canadian experiences, and I work for two canadians:

I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader and I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice. I have a Prime Minister, not a President. I speak english and french, NOT american. and I pronouce it 'ABOUT', NOT 'A BOOT'. I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing, DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation, AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL. A TOQUE IS A HAT, A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH, AND IT IS PRONOUCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!!! CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LAND MASS, THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY, AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA! MY NAME IS JOE, AND I AM CANADIAN! Thank you.

Go read the New Yorker this week. And pardon me while I flagrantly violate copyright laws once again. Right, and today is May Day. Which has nothing to do with pilots in distress, who actually call m'aidez, from the french for "help me." So. I'm bored (not for lack of work to do, but I've just hit a lull), so I turn to my friend Jesse, and say:

StupidH0: i need something to write about, i'm bored
ings0c: write about how new york in the spring is so magical, even to a grumpy person like yourself.

New York in the spring is so magical, even to a grumpy person like myself. There, that didn't help at all. But it made me realize that a lot of what I write about stems from conversations I have with friends or colleagues or family, but then I realized that yeah, a lot of life stems from those things, and this is no different. And then my head started to hurt. So I'm going to stick some Prokofiev in the CD player and get down and dirty with Oracle documentation instead.

And you know that bad, sinking feeling you get when something is about to go horribly wrong? I have that feeling. And I don't know why. Just foreboding. Tell me something good to cheer me up.

-catherine

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